About a dozen parents heard some surprising advice at an evening meeting sponsored by the Goochland Office on Youth.

“Go home with the idea that you want your child to make a mistake and have the opportunity to learn from it,” said instructor Linda Coulson.

Coulson, a licensed clinical social worker for the Goochland Department of Social Services, told parents that children need to learn that their decisions have consequences.

Coulson was assisted in the two- hour class, held at the Goochland Public Schools Specialty Center, by Kendall Stokes, who is working on her masters degree in social work.

Goochland County offers the Love and Logic parent education program at no charge on an on-going basis throughout the community.  The program is designed as an interactive series of four sessions.

“Our children have to learn to be problem solvers – they have to make mistakes,” said Coulson.

The parents watched a video featuring Jim Fay, one of the authors of the workbook, as he described a scenario where a parent allowed a pre-schooler to spend his allowance on a poorly made toy helicopter that the parent knew would soon break. While cautioning the child that the toy might not last, the parent let him make the decision to buy it, and then comforted him after the toy came to pieces.

It was an example of one of the core principles of the Love and Logic method: Letting children make decisions on their own at an early age, even when the parent knows they are wrong, so that the child will learn to make better decisions before they get older, when the consequences are more serious than just a broken toy.

The four-week course is based on the workbook “Becoming a Love and Logic Parent.”

Julie Mills of Powhatan said she came to the class to improve her parenting skills.

Mills has a 14-year-old daughter in foster care and her goal is to get her back. She also has a 2-year-old daughter at home.

“I want to build my skills for both my children and myself,” she said. “I want to show my older daughter that it is important to finish what you start,” explained Mills. “It’s really heartbreaking to be without my oldest child,” she said.

Coulson said parents need to let children see the consequences of their mistakes, but not to “rub it in.”

“Don’t say I hope you learned your lesson,” advised Coulson. “That focuses the kid on us instead of what he has learned.”

Parents often try to protect children from the world and prevent them from making mistakes by making decisions for them, said Coulson. This only slows down the learning process, and does not prepare them for harder decisions in the future.

“As they get older, the consequences are more dangerous. Friends try to talk them into things,” said Coulson.

The techniques used in the class have been proven effective, said Coulson.

“People come back and tell us that what they learned in the class does work,” said Coulson.

Please contact Debra Pierce at the Goochland Office on Youth at 556-5875 for information on upcoming classes.